I was supposed to return to work two days ago but things have changed. While I was pregnant my manager suggested I bring the boys to work with me, and they would stay in the office with her and the pathologist. I kept making sure she told the owner of the company and that he approved and she kept insisting everything was fine. I even said that I needed it to be planned because I would not be able to find daycare last minute as I refuse to just drop my babies off anywhere. Again, I was reassured it was fine. My job was changing from Technician to the Supervisor and I would get an office space upstairs that would let me stay with Dayton and Reid. We even had a meeting about it while the boys were in NICU. This did NOT work out as planned. About two weeks before I was supposed to return to work I was informed that I would not be able to bring the boys. Then about one week before I was going to return I was told the position I was going to do would not even exist. I would have to be in the lab, 9-5:30, without my boys. I KNEW this would happen last minute. UGH. I was so irritated!! The thought of looking for daycare for my boys, who were not even supposed to be born yet, killed me. I couldn't do it. As of right now, I will have an at home position with them making close to what I made before. However, based on my experience, I'm sure it will change 500 times by the time I start.
I was really sad at first about not returning to the lab. I have been there almost two years, and when I started, that department consisted of me and the pathologist/medical director. I have worked very hard and a few of them have become like family to me. I was able to have my friend hired as my lab aide, and I loved working with her everyday. While getting ready to leave for bed rest, my other friend came in and started training for my job. Now, it feels like I'm left behind, and it isn't anyone's fault, it's just the way it is. When I see them thanking each other for their hard work that day on facebook, or when the pathologist comes over for dinner and talks about what is going on at the lab I miss it. My job was a huge part of my life and I just had to hand it all over and walk away. But then, when I get to be with my babies all day, and when I hear about the stress going on at work, I know I made the right decision. It was just one of many sacrifices I will have to make as a mother, and I am more than OK with it.
Diapers. Holy Hell!!! I go through SO MANY DIAPERS! I have been thinking about using the cloth diapers, but I'm hesitant to use them with twins. I need to do some more research and see what all is out there and talk to some people who are already doing it. Is it worth it? Anyone? It would definitely save us a lot of money, I'm just not sure I have the time to keep rewashing them.
The boys are eating every 3 hours still. Even though they are over two months, they are technically two weeks old. They have their actual age and their adjusted age. Actual age right now is 10 1/2 weeks and their adjusted age is 1 1/2 weeks. Feedings have not gone as planned. I was determined to breast feed exclusively. Ummm not so much. It is very difficult. Up until recently they were not latching well because they were so premature. I have noticed that their latches have improved but they don't stay on very long. I'm lucky if I can get them to nurse more than 10 minutes. I'm still determined to make it work though. I will be going to a breast feeding class at the hospital once a week starting Tuesday with a girl I met while I was at the NICU. She has twin girls, and was in that class. We were introduced, and she has even come over to our house. I'm pretty stoked about it. The other reason I am not breast feeding exclusively is that it is hard for me to find the time in the day to work with them. I will definitely need to improve that. If I could cut all this pumping and washing bottles out of my day it would be AWESOME. Right now I am pumping, then preparing bottles with the milk, then feeding, then washing all the bottles and pump accessories. Sheesh! I am also adding in some formula with the breast milk for extra calories and because I'm having a hard time staying ahead of them. It's pretty challenging making sure I am producing as much as two growing babies need. So far, so good, but if they need to eat more soon I'm not sure I will be able to produce enough.
Nik has been a HUGE help and a wonderful father. He takes the 4am and 7am feedings on the weekends so I can sleep. It is AWESOME! He is so hands on and so loving with them. He takes care of them, and me when I need it. Watching him hold the boys in the evenings when he comes from work is great. We put both of them on his chest and they pass out. It's adorable. They have such a good father.
Dayton and Reid have acid reflux. It is really tough trying to get this under control. They do a lot of crying, vomiting, arching their backs, and gagging/coughing. I kept being told that they had stomach aches because of how they were acting and because they are passing a lot of gas. I have tried gas drops and colic calm, switching formulas to supplement with my breast milk, cutting out green leafy vegetables, etc. After speaking with my pediatrician and doing tons of research on acid reflux in infants, I think that is the cause for the pain, not a stomach issue. The acid reflux can actually cause gas in the intestines which makes it appear as a stomach ache. Right now we are trying out Similac Alimentum.... and it seems OK, but at $30/can and for two babies... that's about $600/month for what they are eating now!! That is just not doable for us. I am going to attend a mommy and me class tomorrow and I am going to ask a ton of questions about ways to make my breast milk work for them. It's the healthiest thing for them, and it's free! Dealing with the acid reflux is so hard because I feel like they dealt with their share of pain while in the NICU. They shouldn't have to keep feeling pain. One thing I have found hard to deal with is the issue of feeling like everyone is telling you what to do. Not making suggestions and letting you decide, but telling you what you need to do. I understand that a lot of people I know are moms, and with being a mom comes experience, but every baby is different. New moms need advise and help, they don't need to feel incompetent. I need to be able to feel like I am capable of making good decisions for them. I need to be able to soothe my baby when he is crying. I need to bond with them. This is all challenging when you have multiples.
Dayton smiled at me for the first time yesterday. It was so adorable. Those lil dudes sure know how to melt my heart!
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