Reid passed his car seat test on Friday, June 14, and came home that night. I bawled in the NICU when we picked Reid up because I felt I was leaving Dayton behind. The baby that fought to be here was being left alone in the NICU, without his brother and with limited visiting time from mommy and daddy. It broke my heart. Luckily, I was still able to see him twice a day until he came home.
Nik carrying Reid out of the hospital
Sitting in the back with Reid after bawling about leaving Dayton
The night that Reid came home, I was so nervous. Here was this tiny baby, not hooked up to any monitors, relying on his immature lungs to do their job. I sat in bed and stared at him breathing for a while before I was able to fall asleep. Nik was convinced he would stay awake and watch him breath while I slept, but he was soon passed out. Which is good, because we were up every 2-3 hours for feedings. He did great that night!
In the morning I woke up, looked over at him in the co-sleeper, and scooped him up. I laid in bed and held him until his feeding time. That was something I was not able to do while they were in NICU. I was used to waking up, getting dressed, and driving to see him. Now he was in my arms minutes after waking up :) Wow, what a feeling!
Holding Reid in the morning
Since it was the weekend, I had Nik here to help so I could go see Dayton. The following Sunday was Father's Day, So I stayed home with Reid for a bit while Nik went to go visit Dayton. Also, Reid was introduced to a Spurs game with Nik that day while I went to feed Dayton that evening. So precious to see Nik and Reid hanging out on the couch together.
Monday was a big day for us. Reid had his first pediatrician appointment and Dayton was getting his car seat test again. My friend Shawna came over at 7:15 am just to help me get ready and get Reid into his car seat (which proved to be more difficult than we thought!). She sat in the back seat of the car with Reid while I drove in the pouring rain, on the verge of throwing up because I was so nervous. I kept asking Shawna "is he still breathing? Does he look ok??" Haha. His appointment went well, and he was a whopping 5 lbs! Reid farted all over the pediatrician, and then pooped when he was stripped down being examined. That's my boy!
When I came home with Reid, I decided to call the NICU to see when they were planning on doing Dayton's car seat test. The nurse said it had already been done and my heart stopped. He passed 'with flying colors!' My baby was coming home that day to complete our family!!! I was so excited!
Monday evening my friend Shawna came over to babysit Reid while Nik and I went to pick up Dayton from NICU. I couldn't believe I wouldn't be driving back and forth to the hospital anymore or that I wouldn't be seeing these nurses who have become my friends. I saw those nurses more than anyone else, and it was bittersweet. When we brought Dayton home, Nik and I both took turns holding them at the same time. Our hearts were full :)
Dayton coming home!!
I decided to co-sleep the twins in the co-sleeper next to my bed. I swaddled them both tightly so they wouldn't whack each other during the night. Again, I woke up many times to see if they were breathing. That night was challenging. Nik and I woke up with every feeding. We were so tired the next day.
Tuesday I decided to give them a bath, and by the time it was over I was crying harder than the babies were. After I had bathed Reid and wrapped him in the towel, he let out a massive poop. It was smeared all over the towel, and all over his clean body! Back into the tub he went. I was getting frustrated during the baths, I was nervous of them slipping out of my hand, I was nervous they were too cold, etc. I need to learn to relax! I felt like I was on edge all day and that I wasn't being a great mom. I was just surviving. And that is how my entire week has gone. I have just been trying to survive. The boys are not breast feeding as well as I had hoped, either. They can latch on, but about 10 minutes into it they start falling asleep and refuse to take anymore. I have to supplement with a bottle afterwards, which is double the work.
My mom has come up here everyday this week. Thank God for that! Being a new mom is scary enough, but being a new mom with twins is terrifying. And exhausting. So exhausting! I haven't been out of the house except to pediatrician appointments, I haven't been in the sun AT ALL which is depressing, and I'm lucky if I manage to get a pair of pants on by the evening time. The boys eat every 3 hours, and by the time I feed them, change diapers, swaddle them, and put them down I only have a short amount of time left until their next feeding. Oh. My. God.
The good thing is I finally found a method of bottle feeding them at the same time that doesn't leave me in tears by the end of it. I place them each in a boppy with a towel wadded up under neath them because they are so small they fall through. Then I sit in front of them and hold a bottle in each hand. I have to stop feeding both of them when one burps, and when one decides to throw up everywhere, its chaos.
I need more hands
I admit I have had some evenings when Nik gets home where I start crying because I feel like I'm not being the best mom I can be. I had daydreamed about having time in the day to take photographs of them, and that I would dress them all cute. In reality I snap a picture with my phone randomly and throw on any onesie I can find that isn't covered in vomit or pee. I've had friends call and I leave them with empty promises that I will call them back. I hate being flaky, but I just don't have the time or the mental stamina by the end of the day to hold a conversation. I fear that soon I will lose all of my vocabulary except for the following: poopsies, oh my god, I'm so tired, hold on baby I'm coming!, I'm going as fast as I can, and I forgot to eat!. On top of all the chaos from the babies, my three dogs are so neglected. They are used to me loving on them all day and playing fetch and cuddling. Since the boys have been home the dogs aren't allowed in our room anymore, and fetch time is soooo limited. The dogs have adjusted so well. I'm very proud of them. I feel like I have FIVE babies at home, not two!
Even at the end of days where I want to cry and I feel overwhelmed, I see something like this (see below) and my heart melts. It is worth every chaotic minute.
No comments:
Post a Comment