New info about delivery.... and why Reid still isn't home

This week has been a rollercoaster ride! So many ups and downs...
Nik and I were told that both boys would be coming home Wednesday, but Dayton failed his car seat test for the third time. So, we thought Reid was coming home Wednesday. Tuesday night I was thinking all about how my daily routine was about to change again. I made Reid's pediatric appointment for Friday, and had arranged for a friend to come with me.

In the NICU on Tuesday night we were doing the normal feedings.  Reid had started choking a bit on the milk and then his monitor started alarming. I pulled him off and quickly handed him to Nik since I still had Dayton on.  His heart rate dropped really low, and he looked pretty red.  The nurses ran in and said he was "dusky" colored, and they would watch him closely during the night.  He had already passed his 90 minute car seat test and was going to be released to us the following day.  His nurse for the night, who we love, had decided to redo his car seat test during the night after Nik and I left.  She was positive he would pass again, but he didn't.  When I walked into the NICU Wednesday morning I thought I would be leaving that night with one of my babies.  Instead, the nurse practitioner who was there said "how mad would you be if I told you Reid can't go home with you today?"  I just kept walking and started crying until I reached his bed. A couple nurses came over and tried to console me, and some were saying "he was just telling us he is too early to go home." Then, there was a note that the nurse had written to Nik and I. It was an apology letter. She said that she retested Reid just to make sure he was ready because he had the episode during feeding and that now Reid may not be coming home. She said she hoped I wouldn't be mad at her. 

OK, here's the thing. We love those nurses. They are a big reason my boys are doing as well as they are.  She was just making sure he was ready. He wasn't. I would NEVER push for them to come home before they were ready.  I want what is best for my boys. End of Story.  I was crying because I had gotten my hopes up.  This entire time I have taken one day at a time. I had my mind set to just take it day by day, and not get my hopes up. Every feeding, every dirty diaper, every alarm on the monitor... taken day by day. But I let myself get carried away. That is why I cried. We are forever in debt to the nurses and doctors there. I would never be mad for someone thinking about my babies before my feelings. She did the right thing.

The doctor spoke to me that morning about a new plan. He said Reid was going to watched closely for another episode until Friday.  Then in the same conversation he mentioned Monday. I didn't ask him to pick a day because I didn't want to repeat what already happened. I may or may not be picking Reid up tomorrow, Friday. I may or may not have him Monday. Dayton may or may not pass his car seat test Monday. Who knows. Babies are unpredictable, and they will come home with us eventually... on their own schedule. This will still probably be lots of crying, but that's okay :)

Today I was in the NICU and the NP who was in charge of Reid during my delivery was there.  She was also the one that trained Nik and I on CPR this week.  She always comments on my boys, and I can tell they have a special spot in her heart. She was the one praying during my delivery, or so I have heard :) 
 She said Reid cried once, then stopped.  He wasn't doing TOO badly, but he needed some help.   He was intubated and then given surfactant, then he started doing most of the breathing himself. Wow, so much strength wrapped into just 3 pounds!!
Then, I asked her about Dayton. I verified that he didn't cry at all. Her eyes got big when I asked her this and she said "Honey, he wasn't crying or breathing, and he was given CPR immediately.  He had no heartbeat!" WOW. WOW. That's all I could think. She said she didn't know what my beliefs were, but that in my OR she knew God intervened that night.  I had no idea that my little Dayton had to be 'brought back'. I just thought we were on the verge of losing him. What a fighter that boy is.  How did I get so lucky to have babies so strong?? I am so proud that these little ones are mine.  They are so special. They will never be taken for granted.