Let's Get Pumped! Part 2

Maintaining a good supply of breast milk while exclusively pumping can be very challenging. Looking back on the last 8 months, I would like to tell any new mom attempting this a few things.

1. Don't think you are not bonding with your baby!  You are working your ass off to make sure they get the best thing in their bottle, and for that you are already a great mom! Even if your baby doesn't nurse, you can still do plenty of skin-to-skin time and cuddling. When you are feeding your baby a bottle, speak to him, play with his hair, hold his hand. It is still beautiful.

2. This is for woman with low supply or multiples: If you end up having to top bottles off with some formula, who cares?? You're baby certainly won't. He is still getting all the breast milk you make with all the antibodies and nutrients you have to give. Try not to feel guilty about this! For one thing, stress will decrease your supply. And when you think about it, its just formula added to breastmilk to increase the quantity of milk, not decrease the quality of it.

3. If you have to skip a pump or push it back a little to cuddle with your new baby, do it. So what if your boobs start leaking everywhere! Enjoy the cuddling.

That being said, I have a lot of 'tips and tricks' to make the process easier and to increase supply.

TIPS FOR PUMPING:

You don't have to wash the pump accessories after each use. I unfortunately didn't learn this until a month ago! This would have helped me out so much in the beginning. After you pump, put the accessories in a Tupperware container in the refrigerator. You can do this ALL DAY with one set of accessories. Then at the end of the day, wash them. Viola!

Invest in some Freemies if you are finding it difficult to pump AND hold or cuddle with your babies. Or even do the dishes. Or driving! Freemies are amazing. Check them out! 

*WARNING* your boobs will look bigger than Pamela Anderson's when you wear them. 

Lanolin for your nipples. I personally like Lansinoh, but I bought a jar of organic coconut oil, and I LOVE it. It helps with sore nipples & you can apply it before and after pumping.

Have a strict 3 hour pump schedule (4 hours at night) for the first 12 weeks. Once your milk supply is established, you can drop a pump.

Use an app to keep track of when you last pumped, how much you pumped, your weekly/monthly stats, etc. I use Milkmaild & MommyLog for iPhone.

Encourage a second letdown by pumping past the point of no milk coming out.

Power pump once or twice a week! I usually save this for the weekend when my hubby can help out with the twins. 

Power Pump

Pump 15-25 minutes like normal

10 min break

Pump 10 min

10 min break

Pump 10 min

10 min break

Pump 10 min

Basically, you do one normal pump and then 10 on 10 off for one hour. This mimics cluster feeding and signals your body that baby needs more!

It can take a couple of days before you see results. 

Hooter hiders or something similar is nice to have when company is over or if you just don't feel like you want your boobs hanging out all the time. 

DIY Hands free bra. I bought the medela hands free bra and it was O.K. I made my own using an old sports bra and cut slits where the flanges go. That worked much better than the medela one and cost about 1/4 the price! 

High quality milk storage bags for the freezer. I personally do not like the medela bags at all. I use Lansinoh or up&up target brand. You can lay them flat in the freezer & once they are frozen, you can 'file' them according to date in the freezer and save so much space. Just remember, you are feeding your baby, not your freezer! Have realistic goals! And always try to feed your baby/babies freshly pumped milk at least once a day. This will provide your baby with the nutrients and antibodies that they need for their age. If you let the baby suckle or if you kiss their mouth and hands, your body will know exactly what your baby needs. Isn't it amazing?!

Increasing Lactation

Water (64 oz a day)

Gatorade

Steel cut oats

Lactation cookies

Emergen-C 2x a day

Calories (an extra 400-500/day per baby)

Sleep (which you won't get the first 12 weeks)

Rest (kick your legs up and use your pumping time as 'you' time)

Brewers yeast (capsules, or cook with it, or have a dark beer here and there)

Fenugreek capsules

Mothers milk tea (3-5 cups/day)

Reglan (prescription)

Domperidone (cannot get in U.S.)

Flax seed

If there are more tips or ways to increase lactation, let me know! What worked for you? 

Let's Get Pumped! Part 1

Exclusively pumping... I never heard of anyone doing this before I had my twins. I didn't even really know it was an option! I feel as though I am quite the expert on pumping (I am on month 8 of exclusively pumping).  Here's what happened...

My twins were born two months early. Therefore, they had to spend their first 6.5 weeks of life in the NICU. The first two weeks they were in NICU they had to be fed through a tube 100%.  When a baby feeds by breast or bottle, they use a lot of calories working to get the milk. This is something you DON'T want a preemie to do at first. Preemies need to conserve all the calories they can until they start gaining some weight.  Also, their suck/swallow/breathe reflex doesn't start that early.

The evening they were born a lactation consultant came into my hospital room to teach me about the pump. She placed the flanges on me, and showed me how to turn it on, and all about the speeds and suction options. About 2 minutes in, I started producing a tiny bit of colostrum! I was very lucky to be able to have my milk come in this early. I set my phone alarm for every 2 hours and I pumped all through the night and all day. I pumped in my hospital bed and I pumped in the NICU in between the twins' isolettes. Around 2 weeks I extended my pumps to every 3 hours. My husband and sister were such a big help at this time. I was recovering from a brutal emergency C-section and they woke up all through the night with me to get me my accessories, help me get set up, wash all the parts afterwards, and take the milk down the hall to the NICU. They did this every 2 hours for 3 nights.  When I was sent home, my husband still helped me all night. When I didn't set an alarm, he would remind me when it was time to pump. It was so nice that the boys' getting breast milk was important to him, too. It really does start to take a toll on your body!

When the twins were two weeks old I was allowed to start 'non nutritive nursing' with them.  This is when the baby is placed at the breast as if it were going to nurse. Some do this early, some don't. My twins did! I thought this meant they would be exclusively breastfed, but that wasn't the case. More about that later...

Reid and Dayton breastfed 2-3x a day in the NICU. It was a wonderful way to bond with them. I would take my Breast Friend Twin nursing pillow and everything went well.

When the twins came home from the NICU I had a freezer FULL of breast milk. That didn't last long once they started hitting growth spurts, though! My plans for breastfeeding did not work out. The twins had severe reflux and would choke, aspirate, scream, and pull awake whenever I tried.  If I had only one baby, I probably would have kept trying more than a few weeks. Finally I started to accept that they would mainly be bottle fed. The perk to that was I could have my hubby, family members, and friends help me feed them. The con was that I still had to pump every 3 hours. 

Here is an idea of what my schedule looked like:
Let's say we start at 7 a.m. to make things easy (of course with preemies there is no 'start' and 'end' to a day. It is a cycle of 3 hour feedings non stop).

7-7:10 AM: Wake up and start bottle in warmer
7:10AM: Change both diapers
7:15 AM: Prop babies up on Boppys in the Playard
7:20 AM: Feed babies (*note: the twins had severe reflux so feedings were very difficult for us.  Feeding them consisted of the babies screaming, arching their backs, and spitting up constantly. Some feedings went well, some didn't.)
8:00 AM: Babies finish eating and spit up for about 5-10 minutes while I attempt to burp them. Then they cry some more. I console them and they finally settle down.
8:15 AM: Take babies back to co-sleeper and swaddle to go back to sleep.
8:30 AM: Sit down to start pumping.
9:30 AM: Finish pumping and store milk in refrigerator.
9:35 AM: Wash all pump accessories and bottles
9:45 AM: Lay down in bed to sleep. Guess what? The babies will need to eat again in FIFTEEN MINUTES!!!!!!!!

Do you see something wrong with this?? My hubby started out helping with each feeding during the night so it wouldn't take as long and I could pump. This would allow me about an hour of sleep. That wasn't working for either of us. So instead, we took turns with the night feedings. I would take the 1AM and he would take the 4 AM, then I would take the 7 AM. That worked best.

My life at this time was rough. Having twins is hard enough. Then to throw pumping every 3 hours and reflux on top of it all was very hard.  I was a wreck. I felt like I was going to die of exhaustion at any minute. I can't believe I survived! GO ME!

Anyway, pumping at that stage was very difficult but it got easier when the boys got older.  After 12 weeks pp, milk is established. I started increasing my time between pumps to every 4 hours during the day, and one time at night. That helped a lot.

Now at 8 months pp,  I am pumping 4 times a day and not at all in the middle of the night. My last pump is around midnight and my first pump of the day is around 8am.

I survived!

My next post will be about tricks I have learned to make pumping easier, and ways to increase your milk supply.

Products I couldn't live without & Products I hardly use

I am by no means calling myself an expert on products each family will need when baby/babies arrive.  However, I do have a lot of things I have found necessary, helpful, and things that I could have lived without. My list is based on having twins and being an (almost) exclusive pumper (they will nurse randomly, but 99.9% of their feedings are from me pumping and supplementing with some formula).
Here is my list!

Things I have DOUBLE/MULTIPLES of:

2 Boppys & extra boppy covers
2 Bouncy/Vibrating Chairs (we have the Fisher Price Crusin' Motion Soother and it is AWESOME!)

This chair simulates a car. It vibrates like a car ride, and even has the motion of going over small bumps. The sounds are great, too. One sound option imitates windshield wipers and rain.

4 sets of pumping accessories
During the NB phase we had about 6 bottles
After the NB phase we use the same bottles each time and wash in between feedings
2 boxes of diapers at all times+ an extra box of the next size up
2 Jumparoos

These are great when I need to get something done around the house or pump. They can be entertained and exercise at the same time without requiring me to do it!

Bibs (about 10)
Clothes dividers for the closet to separate clothing by size

Sheets for the crib (2 sets for each crib)
2 cribs
Receiving Blankets (at LEAST 10) & my favorite are the really thin large ones
2 sunshades for the car
2 mirrors that attach to headrest of backseat for car
24 pkg baby wash cloths (not only are these great for washing baby, but I use them for washing bottles and pump accessories. My dog gets up on the counter and actually takes them and eats them, so I always have extras hiding!)
2 Fisher Price Space Saver High Chairs (with multiple babies, its nice to have things that don't take up a lot of space!)

Baby hangers
Toys that attach to the handle of each car seat
Rattles (they LOVE rattles)
Motorola baby monitor with TWO cameras

 

 

Two large diaper bags. I keep one in the house, and one in the car.

Things that I have SINGLES of:

Arms Reach Co-Sleeper (do NOT get the mini! Even with a singleton! More than likely your baby will outgrow it within 2-3 months. With twins, it would pointless. The co-sleeper also converts to a Playard so unless you want a TEENIE TINY playard, don't waste your money on the single.) My co-sleeper still fits both of twins and they are 8 months!

Bottle warmer (we use Dr. Browns and LOVE it. It was $19, and heats the bottles of fast! It can also be used to sterilize pacifiers)

Bottle drying rack
Dishwasher basket for small bottle and pump accessory parts
Babyganics Dishwasher Detergent
Palmolive Baby Dish Soap
Dreft (I LOVE the smell of Dreft. Sometimes I just smoosh my face in their clean laundry and inhale)
Sound and Projector machine
Bottle Brushes
Graco electric nose aspirator (only about $15-$20 and well worth it!

Saline nose spray (gets those stubborn boogers to come right out!)
Desitin Maximum Strength diaper rash cream. This is the BEST cream we have found.
Those fabric books that are crinkly. The twins LOVE those books
Wipe warmer (no more cold-shock on their bum and seems to decrease the amount they pee when cold air hits them)
Foam puzzle pad for the floor. Great for tummy time, rolling over, and starting to crawl on.

 

Probiotics (we use the Gerber Soothe brand)
Humidifier
Bathtub with built in thermometer to regular water temperature. My lil dudes ALWAYS have perfectly heated water)

Baby Q-Tips
Glider (I have the Newco Rosie. It is SO COMFORTABLE! It also came in handy when I was huge preggo and on bed rest. When the twins were newborns I would put them on my chest and nap so hard in that chair.

Maya Ring Sling for baby wearing

Baby Bjorn (I actually won one of these from a giveaway by Baby Bjorn!) This might be in the DOUBLES section if our SO wants to wear a baby, too.

 

Infant Swing

 

Toybox

 

Over the door shoe organizer for nursery closet. I put all their extra bath products, diaper rash creams, travel wipe containers, lotions, q-tips, etc in this.

 

Lavender baby lotion

 

Thick quilt to lay on the floor for tummy time

 

Double stroller ( I have the Contours Option LT and I'm in love with it!!) I could probably do an entire post about a review for this stroller because it's amazing.

 



Car Seats. I went with the Peg Perego SIP 30/30 after much research (what else was I going to do on bed rest?) The NICU nurses gawked at these for about 20 minutes when they saw them with my stroller. One of the charge nurses was telling me about how she went on scene to a car wreck where the car seat was found down the road from the car. It had been thrown out of the car with the baby in it. Guess what? Baby was fine! That definitely made me feel better. The CON to these are they are not convertible and the max weight is 30 lbs.



Laundry basket designated to babies. With multiples, you will be going to be washing laundry all. the. time.

Changing pad that can be taken from room to room. While in the NB phase, I was changing diapers everywhere. In my bedroom, on the couch, on the coffee table, in the nursery, on the floor...anywhere!

Cuisenart baby food maker

This steams the food before pureeing it! It also has a bottle warmer built in.



Infantino Fresh Squeezed Squeeze Station

Things I could have done without:

Swaddle sacs. I learned to do a mean swaddle with just a receiving blanket, and the Lil Dudes seemed to prefer my swaddle over these.

Tummy Time activity Mat. A quilt on the floor will do the trick nicely. I hardly used their tummy time mat because as newborns, they didn't care about it. When they were old enough to want to interact with things, they were too big for the mat! So a quilt or the foam pads with toys all around them did the trick.

Baby Oil and Baby Powder. I've never had to use it.

Newborn Hats. Research suggests these can case baby to overheat during the night anyway.

Newborn shoes

So, there's my list! Hope it helps an expecting mother of multiples in preparing for new arrivals!

Adjusting to my life with twins

Wow. It has been over a month since the boys have been home...and funny enough it has been a month since I last posted! It's been too crazy to find the time to blog, but hopefully I will get better at managing my time and will be able to post more.  I really do enjoy keeping an 'online journal'. 

I was supposed to return to work two days ago but things have changed.  While I was pregnant my manager suggested I bring the boys to work with me, and they would stay in the office with her and the pathologist.  I kept making sure she told the owner of the company and that he approved and she kept insisting everything was fine.  I even said that I needed it to be planned because I would not be able to find daycare last minute as I refuse to just drop my babies off anywhere.  Again, I was reassured it was fine.  My job was changing from Technician to the Supervisor and I would get an office space upstairs that would let me stay with Dayton and Reid.  We even had a meeting about it while the boys were in NICU.  This did NOT work out as planned.  About two weeks before I was supposed to return to work I was informed that I would not be able to bring the boys.  Then about one week before I was going to return I was told the position I was going to do would not even exist. I would have to be in the lab, 9-5:30, without my boys.  I KNEW this would happen last minute.  UGH. I was so irritated!!  The thought of looking for daycare for my boys, who were not even supposed to be born yet, killed me.  I couldn't do it.  As of right now, I will have an at home position with them making close to what I made before.  However, based on my experience, I'm sure it will change 500 times by the time I start.

I was really sad at first about not returning to the lab.  I have been there almost two years, and when I started, that department consisted of me and the pathologist/medical director.  I have worked very hard and a few of them have become like family to me.  I was able to have my friend hired as my lab aide, and I loved working with her everyday.  While getting ready to leave for bed rest, my other friend came in and started training for my job.  Now, it feels like I'm left behind, and it isn't anyone's fault, it's just the way it is.  When I see them thanking each other for their hard work that day on facebook, or when the pathologist comes over for dinner and talks about what is going on at the lab I miss it.  My job was a huge part of my life and I just had to hand it all over and walk away.  But then, when I get to be with my babies all day, and when I hear about the stress going on at work, I know I made the right decision.  It was just one of many sacrifices I will have to make as a mother, and I am more than OK with it.

Diapers. Holy Hell!!! I go through SO MANY DIAPERS! I have been thinking about using the cloth diapers, but I'm hesitant to use them with twins.  I need to do some more research and see what all is out there and talk to some people who are already doing it. Is it worth it? Anyone?  It would definitely save us a lot of money, I'm just not sure I have the time to keep rewashing them. 


The boys are eating every 3 hours still.  Even though they are over two months, they are technically two weeks old.  They have their actual age and their adjusted age.  Actual age right now is 10 1/2 weeks and their adjusted age is 1 1/2 weeks.  Feedings have not gone as planned. I was determined to breast feed exclusively.  Ummm not so much. It is very difficult.  Up until recently they were not latching well because they were so premature. I have noticed that their latches have improved but they don't stay on very long.  I'm lucky if I can get them to nurse more than 10 minutes.  I'm still determined to make it work though.  I will be going to a breast feeding class at the hospital once a week starting Tuesday with a girl I met while I was at the NICU.  She has twin girls, and was in that class.  We were introduced, and she has even come over to our house.  I'm pretty stoked about it.  The other reason I am not breast feeding exclusively is that it is hard for me to find the time in the day to work with them. I will definitely need to improve that.  If I could cut all this pumping and washing bottles out of my day it would be AWESOME.  Right now I am pumping, then preparing bottles with the milk, then feeding, then washing all the bottles and pump accessories.  Sheesh!  I am also adding in some formula with the breast milk for extra calories and because I'm having a hard time staying ahead of them.  It's pretty challenging making sure I am producing as much as two growing babies need. So far, so good, but if they need to eat more soon I'm not sure I will be able to produce enough. 

Nik has been a HUGE help and a wonderful father.  He takes the 4am and 7am feedings on the weekends so I can sleep. It is AWESOME! He is so hands on and so loving with them.  He takes care of them, and me when I need it.  Watching him hold the boys in the evenings when he comes from work is great.  We put both of them on his chest and they pass out. It's adorable. They have such a good father.



Dayton and Reid have acid reflux.  It is really tough trying to get this under control.  They do a lot of crying, vomiting, arching their backs, and gagging/coughing.  I kept being told that they had stomach aches because of how they were acting and because they are passing a lot of gas.  I have tried gas drops and colic calm, switching formulas to supplement with my breast milk, cutting out green leafy vegetables, etc.  After speaking with my pediatrician and doing tons of research on acid reflux in infants, I think that is the cause for the pain, not a stomach issue.  The acid reflux can actually cause gas in the intestines which makes it appear as a stomach ache.  Right now we are trying out Similac Alimentum.... and it seems OK, but at $30/can and for two babies... that's about $600/month for what they are eating now!! That is just not doable for us.  I am going to attend a mommy and me class tomorrow and I am going to ask a ton of questions about ways to make my breast milk work for them.  It's the healthiest thing for them, and it's free!  Dealing with the acid reflux is so hard because I feel like they dealt with their share of pain while in the NICU.  They shouldn't have to keep feeling pain.

One thing I have found hard to deal with is the issue of feeling like everyone is telling you what to do.  Not making suggestions and letting you decide, but telling you what you need to do.  I understand that a lot of people I know are moms, and with being a mom comes experience, but every baby is different.  New moms need advise and help, they don't need to feel incompetent.  I need to be able to feel like I am capable of making good decisions for them. I need to be able to soothe my baby when he is crying. I need to bond with them.  This is all challenging when you have multiples. 

Dayton smiled at me for the first time yesterday. It was so adorable. Those lil dudes sure know how to melt my heart!



First week with the twins home!

Wow, this week has been insane!  I KNEW it was going to be challenging having the twins home, but I didn't know it would be THIS challenging.  Even the simplest task of changing diapers takes longer than I thought, and my bed, body, and babies have been peed on so many times!

Reid passed his car seat test on Friday, June 14, and came home that night.  I bawled in the NICU when we picked Reid up because I felt I was leaving Dayton behind.  The baby that fought to be here was being left alone in the NICU, without his brother and with limited visiting time from mommy and daddy. It broke my heart. Luckily, I was still able to see him twice a day until he came home.

Nik carrying Reid out of the hospital

Sitting in the back with Reid after bawling about leaving Dayton

The night that Reid came home, I was so nervous.  Here was this tiny baby, not hooked up to any monitors, relying on his immature lungs to do their job.  I sat in bed and stared at him breathing for a while before I was able to fall asleep.  Nik was convinced he would stay awake and watch him breath while I slept, but he was soon passed out.  Which is good, because we were up every 2-3 hours for feedings.  He did great that night!
In the morning I woke up, looked over at him in the co-sleeper, and scooped him up. I laid in bed and held him until his feeding time. That was something I was not able to do while they were in NICU. I was used to waking up, getting dressed, and driving to see him. Now he was in my arms minutes after waking up :) Wow, what a feeling!

Holding Reid in the morning

Since it was the weekend, I had Nik here to help so I could go see Dayton.  The following Sunday was Father's Day, So I stayed home with Reid for a bit while Nik went to go visit Dayton.  Also, Reid was introduced to a Spurs game with Nik that day while I went to feed Dayton that evening.  So precious to see Nik and Reid hanging out on the couch together.

Monday was a big day for us.  Reid had his first pediatrician appointment and Dayton was getting his car seat test again.  My friend Shawna came over at 7:15 am just to help me get ready and get Reid into his car seat (which proved to be more difficult than we thought!).  She sat in the back seat of the car with Reid while I drove in the pouring rain, on the verge of throwing up because I was so nervous.  I kept asking Shawna "is he still breathing? Does he look ok??" Haha.  His appointment went well, and he was a whopping 5 lbs! Reid farted all over the pediatrician, and then pooped when he was stripped down being examined. That's my boy!

When I came home with Reid, I decided to call the NICU to see when they were planning on doing Dayton's car seat test.  The nurse said it had already been done and my heart stopped. He passed 'with flying colors!'  My baby was coming home that day to complete our family!!! I was so excited!

Monday evening my friend Shawna came over to babysit Reid while Nik and I went to pick up Dayton from NICU.  I couldn't believe I wouldn't be driving back and forth to the hospital anymore or that I wouldn't be seeing these nurses who have become my friends.  I saw those nurses more than anyone else, and it was bittersweet.  When we brought Dayton home, Nik and I both took turns holding them at the same time. Our hearts were full :)

Dayton coming home!!

I decided to co-sleep the twins in the co-sleeper next to my bed. I swaddled them both tightly so they wouldn't whack each other during the night. Again, I woke up many times to see if they were breathing.  That night was challenging.  Nik and I woke up with every feeding. We were so tired the next day.

  Tuesday I decided to give them a bath, and by the time it was over I was crying harder than the babies were.  After I had bathed Reid and wrapped him in the towel, he let out a massive poop. It was smeared all over the towel, and all over his clean body! Back into the tub he went.  I was getting frustrated during the baths, I was nervous of them slipping out of my hand, I was nervous they were too cold, etc. I need to learn to relax!  I felt like I was on edge all day and that I wasn't being a great mom. I was just surviving.  And that is how my entire week has gone. I have just been trying to survive.  The boys are not breast feeding as well as I had hoped, either.  They can latch on, but about 10 minutes into it they start falling asleep and refuse to take anymore.  I have to supplement with a bottle afterwards, which is double the work. 

My mom has come up here everyday this week. Thank God for that! Being a new mom is scary enough, but being a new mom with twins is terrifying. And exhausting. So exhausting!  I haven't been out of the house except to pediatrician appointments, I haven't been in the sun AT ALL which is depressing, and I'm lucky if I manage to get a pair of pants on by the evening time.  The boys eat every 3 hours, and by the time I feed them, change diapers, swaddle them, and put them down I only have a short amount of time left until their next feeding. Oh. My. God.

The good thing is I finally found a method of bottle feeding them at the same time that doesn't leave me in tears by the end of it.  I place them each in a boppy with a towel wadded up under neath them because they are so small they fall through.  Then I sit in front of them and hold a bottle in each hand.  I have to stop feeding both of them when one burps, and when one decides to throw up everywhere, its chaos.

I need more hands

 I still haven't mastered the tandem breast feeding while alone yet.  I think they need to grow a bit more before I get that down.  Their heads are so tiny that I have to hold them up, and after about 10 minutes my arms begin to shake. Hopefully this will work itself out soon.

I admit I have had some evenings when Nik gets home where I start crying because I feel like I'm not being the best mom I can be.  I had daydreamed about having time in the day to take photographs of them, and that I would dress them all cute.  In reality I snap a picture with my phone randomly and throw on any onesie I can find that isn't covered in vomit or pee. I've had friends call and I leave them with empty promises that I will call them back. I hate being flaky, but I just don't have the time or the mental stamina by the end of the day to hold a conversation.  I fear that soon I will lose all of my vocabulary except for the following:  poopsies, oh my god, I'm so tired, hold on baby I'm coming!, I'm going as fast as I can, and I forgot to eat!.  On top of all the chaos from the babies, my three dogs are so neglected.  They are used to me loving on them all day and playing fetch and cuddling.  Since the boys have been home the dogs aren't allowed in our room anymore, and fetch time is soooo limited.  The dogs have adjusted so well. I'm very proud of them.  I feel like I have FIVE babies at home, not two!

Even at the end of days where I want to cry and I feel overwhelmed, I see something like this (see below) and my heart melts. It is worth every chaotic minute.

New info about delivery.... and why Reid still isn't home

This week has been a rollercoaster ride! So many ups and downs...
Nik and I were told that both boys would be coming home Wednesday, but Dayton failed his car seat test for the third time. So, we thought Reid was coming home Wednesday. Tuesday night I was thinking all about how my daily routine was about to change again. I made Reid's pediatric appointment for Friday, and had arranged for a friend to come with me.

In the NICU on Tuesday night we were doing the normal feedings.  Reid had started choking a bit on the milk and then his monitor started alarming. I pulled him off and quickly handed him to Nik since I still had Dayton on.  His heart rate dropped really low, and he looked pretty red.  The nurses ran in and said he was "dusky" colored, and they would watch him closely during the night.  He had already passed his 90 minute car seat test and was going to be released to us the following day.  His nurse for the night, who we love, had decided to redo his car seat test during the night after Nik and I left.  She was positive he would pass again, but he didn't.  When I walked into the NICU Wednesday morning I thought I would be leaving that night with one of my babies.  Instead, the nurse practitioner who was there said "how mad would you be if I told you Reid can't go home with you today?"  I just kept walking and started crying until I reached his bed. A couple nurses came over and tried to console me, and some were saying "he was just telling us he is too early to go home." Then, there was a note that the nurse had written to Nik and I. It was an apology letter. She said that she retested Reid just to make sure he was ready because he had the episode during feeding and that now Reid may not be coming home. She said she hoped I wouldn't be mad at her. 

OK, here's the thing. We love those nurses. They are a big reason my boys are doing as well as they are.  She was just making sure he was ready. He wasn't. I would NEVER push for them to come home before they were ready.  I want what is best for my boys. End of Story.  I was crying because I had gotten my hopes up.  This entire time I have taken one day at a time. I had my mind set to just take it day by day, and not get my hopes up. Every feeding, every dirty diaper, every alarm on the monitor... taken day by day. But I let myself get carried away. That is why I cried. We are forever in debt to the nurses and doctors there. I would never be mad for someone thinking about my babies before my feelings. She did the right thing.

The doctor spoke to me that morning about a new plan. He said Reid was going to watched closely for another episode until Friday.  Then in the same conversation he mentioned Monday. I didn't ask him to pick a day because I didn't want to repeat what already happened. I may or may not be picking Reid up tomorrow, Friday. I may or may not have him Monday. Dayton may or may not pass his car seat test Monday. Who knows. Babies are unpredictable, and they will come home with us eventually... on their own schedule. This will still probably be lots of crying, but that's okay :)

Today I was in the NICU and the NP who was in charge of Reid during my delivery was there.  She was also the one that trained Nik and I on CPR this week.  She always comments on my boys, and I can tell they have a special spot in her heart. She was the one praying during my delivery, or so I have heard :) 
 She said Reid cried once, then stopped.  He wasn't doing TOO badly, but he needed some help.   He was intubated and then given surfactant, then he started doing most of the breathing himself. Wow, so much strength wrapped into just 3 pounds!!
Then, I asked her about Dayton. I verified that he didn't cry at all. Her eyes got big when I asked her this and she said "Honey, he wasn't crying or breathing, and he was given CPR immediately.  He had no heartbeat!" WOW. WOW. That's all I could think. She said she didn't know what my beliefs were, but that in my OR she knew God intervened that night.  I had no idea that my little Dayton had to be 'brought back'. I just thought we were on the verge of losing him. What a fighter that boy is.  How did I get so lucky to have babies so strong?? I am so proud that these little ones are mine.  They are so special. They will never be taken for granted.



Starting Week 5 in NICU- Mixed Feelings...

Dayton has now failed his car seat test three times.  Reid passed his second one and is now cleared to come home tomorrow, Wednesday June 12.  Dayton had three chances to pass his car seat test, which they did every 24 hrs.  Now they will do it again in three days.  If he fails that one too, they will wait 5-8 days.  I feel like it could take a month to get this finished.  I am SO SO SO excited to have my little Reid home, but I am so sad to leave Dayton in the NICU.  It is going to be a challenge for me to leave Reid at home with someone so that I can go to the NICU to spend time with Dayton.  It breaks my heart and is causing much anxiety.  I don't want them to be apart, and I don't want to only have the option of leaving a baby no matter where I am.  I can't wait to get them home together so we can start our family routine.

My dad is coming home from leave on June 24, and I'm a little nervous Dayton won't be home by them.  It was so important to me to have both boys home when my dad came. This entire pregnancy and birth has not gone like I thought it would.  I wonder how long it will take me to learn that I cannot plan things like this.

The thing that upsets me is that I was mentally prepared to have the babies in the NICU until their due date.  I was doing such a good job at taking it one day at a time.  Then the Dr and nurses started talking about how the boys would be home soon, and then they gave me a day. Now it's like they got my hopes up.  I don't even want to believe Reid is coming home until I have him in the car seat and we are walking out the door.
It's not anyones fault, this is part of the journey and Dayton is just having a set back. I knew this could happen. The NICU staff has been great.  They are a part of Daytons and Reid family and support system. I made the right choice when I decided to deliver at this hospital.

I'll keep updates on the boys, especially Dayton's next test.